Are we ready to be good parents?
Parents don’t suddenly become parents at the snap of a finger. They become parents little by little, and becoming a father or a mother requires work, tolerance, sometimes effort, and always a good deal of love.
Yes, we all know that becoming a parent and growing up does not happen without undergoing transformation and, sometimes, even some pain. But we are not all prepared for the transformations that becoming a mother or father requires. But we are not all prepared for the transformations that becoming a mother or father requires. And, more often than not, parents are haphazardly entering parenthood, as if ‘kicked into the corner’ by what they feel, by the advice given by the families and friends who are also parents. When they become parents, they feel that they lose control, they feel the responsibility and, along with it, the fear of making mistakes, of not being good enough.
And, shaken by all this, parents forget that, as a rule, they have the basic equipment necessary to be good parents, but, hampered by these ‘kicks to the corner’, and by their own experiences as children, they accumulate scars that insist on not healing and that sometimes affect a parent’s more intuitive and attentive gaze. That’s why it is essential that, regardless of how we become parents, and how we grow towards the love of a child, we never forget that the primary role of parents is to be a shelter where, in the end, a child can turn to, to find peace, and grow.
To be able to be a true haven, a parent needs to free themselves from everything that is gradually conditioning them when being a parent; look inside themselves and be able to separate the child they were, the parents they had, and the parent they are becoming. Basically, a parent needs to allow themselves to heal their childhood wounds; to allow themselves to feel, to follow their instinct, and to put themselves in a position of transformation. So that, from here, with lucidity and wisdom, they are able to draw the rules and the base direction for a child and, immediately after, allow them to be themselves and make them feel that, regardless of what they achieve, they are loved for what they are!
In addition to all this, a parent should not forget that although there are common points to being a parent, there are no magical formulas for parenting which work with all parents, so it is in plurality that the essence of parenthood resides, each parent in their own way finding their way of Being. And, as long as you go into parenting aware of your weaknesses, with your instincts cleared and wounds tendentially healed, we have room so that, in your own way, everyone can be a good parent.
An article by clinical psychologists Cátia Lopo and Sara Almeida from Escola do Sentir, October 2020.
